Drink Like You Mean It
by SASSafrasEND
Summary: Fun stories involving Sasuke & Sakura. CRACK.
1. Bathroom

**Summary: **Fighting for peace sometimes means attending a gay inn.

_R&R_

* * *

**A Crappy Mission**

* * *

The mission had been good up until the point Naruto had decided that attending the carnival Snow Country was famous for was a must and should not be passed up.

That was when the shit hit the fan.

Literally.

"I told you you shouldn't have stuffed your face that much, that fast," Sakura said as she eyed the door that separated her from her teammate. After a beat and still no answer, she knocked lightly. "Naruto? You didn't pass out or anything, did you?"

"Passing out would be great right about now! My stomach feels like it's being ripped apart!" There was a slight pause before he exclaimed, "I think I might actually die, Sakura-chan!"

"You're not going to die, Naruto," the woman rolled her eyes. "You have a chemical-induced food poisoning. And a mild one at that."

"I'm gonna die," Naruto groaned.

"Unlikely," she snorted. "The worst case scenario are a few headaches, fevers, some vomiting, and diarrhea." She couldn't help a smirk as she traced a pattern on the door, adding in, "Although, you already know that part."

"Oh my God, I'm going to die and you're making fun of me!"

"Naruto, for the last time," Sakura growled, "you are not dying. I personally examined you, remember?"

"What if you're wrong and you misdiagnosed?" That was the only plausible explanation as to why his stomach continued to churn madly, making his intestines quiver. He must be close to death.

For a moment there was a long pause. Naruto bit his lip, partly because of his unsettled stomach but also out of nervousness. Was she rethinking her diagnoses after all?

Finally she said, "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. Now are you going to come out?"

Naruto answered with an unhappy moan.

Shaking her head, Sakura turned away from the door to meet with her other teammates who were patiently waiting in the living room. "It's official," she announced, "Naruto has taken over the bathroom as his new bedroom."

Sai, who had been sitting on the sofa upon her return, suddenly got up with alarm. "But if he commandeers the only facilities we have at our disposable, where will that leave us to relieve ourselves?"

"Ever heard of taking it outside?" Personally, from all the noise Naruto had been making, she wouldn't mind ever using that restroom again.

"Of course. But I was thinking about you, Sakura."

She had been leaning against the wall, playing with the strands of her hair. She needed a haircut when she got back to Konoha, her ends looked atrocious.

_That's _if_ I ever get back. Thanks a lot Naruto Poops-A-Lot Uzumaki!_ "Huh? Why only me?"

"Well, I read in a book that girls have a different way than men when going to the bathroom. It's called squatting, I believe."

"Sai," Sakura blew her hair out in frustration. Even after six years of working with him and she still couldn't believe half of the things that came out of his mouth. "What have I told you of thinking before speaking?"

He blinked. "Do it more often?"

"Exactly." Her eyes roved the small area, finding her last teammate sitting on a smaller love seat. She nodded to Sasuke as she took the seat adjacent to his. "Did you get in touch with Tsunade-sama?"

He nodded. "She said we should take all the time we need in order for him to get better."

At this she rose a pink brow. "That's it?" Sakura had never known her master to be so understanding. Or at least not try to poke fun. Especially with a situation as... unique as theirs.

Sasuke paused before adding, "She laughed."

Yeah. That sounded more like her.

"How serious is it?" he asked.

"He thinks he's dying."

"How serious is it _really_."

"_Not_. We can be on our way back to Konoha once Naruto comes out."

"I beg to differ," Sai interjected as he walked in between his two comrades. "As Team Captain, I think it best we give Naruto all the time he needs in order to recuperate fully before heading off."

"Common, Sai," Sakura groaned. "He could be in there for days. And I want my haircut!"

"What?" both Sasuke and Sai frowned.

"Naruto said he thinks he's on the brink of death. But really all it is is an upset stomach. I'll give him a special tea specifically for this sort of thing, give him a couple hours and he should be fine. To which, we can then leave."

"As a medic you have a responsibility to every person in your care. Is that right?"

"Yes, but-!"

"Then I will no longer argue with you on this matter. My mind is made up." Sai walked away down the hallway to go check on their fourth and abruptly ending the argument.

The first to break the silence that settled over was surprisingly Sasuke who bluntly stated, "He's an asshole."

She would have laughed if she wasn't so upset. "He may have won the battle. But the war isn't over yet."

"What are you talking about, Sakura? You heard the _Team Captain_." Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"He wants to stay longer because of Naruto? Fine, he can take up as caretaker." Sakura strolled over to the corner where her things were stored. Already packed because she had been hoping for an early escape. "It doesn't mean I have to be here when things get uglier."

"You're leaving for Konoha?" Sasuke was already halfway to her side before she could so much as blink.

"Not exactly," she explained. "Once that door flies open... Well, lets just say you don't want to be here when it does."

Their eyes connected briefly and it gave Sasuke enough time to grab his bags from off the floor where hers had been. "I'm going with you," was all he said, leaving no room for argument.

Not that she would. "Fine."

Sai came back from asking Naruto if he needed anything to stumbled on his two teammates already heading for the door. "What's going on here? Where are you two going?"

"Sasuke and I will be spending the night elsewhere. Seeing as Naruto will need his rest to recover properly, we don't want to be a nuisance."

"I agree you two are quiet annoying, more so with all the sexual tension between you."

Sasuke and Sakura glared at him.

"But that doesn't mean you have to leave," he finished.

"Look, Sai," the medic nin walked right up to him and for a second, Sasuke was afraid she was going to kill Sai with her Kiss of Death. Not as far fetched considering he had seen her use it on their target earlier that day. But she merely blew at her bangs and said, "I'm a girl."

Sasuke blinked. That was it? That was her big counterattack to fight off Sai's explanation as to why they were leaving in the middle of the night? Where was the yelling, the punching? Where was her fiery tempor when they needed it?

He was sure he would have collapsed to the ground in shock when all Sai did was nod his head and say, "I will let you know when we are ready to depart," if it hadn't been for Sakura latching onto his arm and ushering him quickly out the room before Sai could change his mind.

They were twenty feet away from the inn when Sasuke could no longer hold in his curiosity. "What the hell was with the 'girl' comment back there?"

"Sai has been reading a book called _Women in The Ages_. Basically it says that the only thing women are good for is cooking, cleaning, and sexual favors." She snorted. "An outdated book, if you couldn't tell."

"And he thinks you're incapable of taking on the challenge that is looking after the idiot." Sasuke shook his head. "He _is_ an asshole."

"Who cares so long as we aren't the ones suffocating under Naruto's stink."

* * *

They came across their fifth inn in the last half hour. Being the famous carnival that it was, Snow Country's resting establishments were packed when it came to finding a suitable place to spend the night.

Sakura was hoping that this was lucky number five as she approached the front desk. Otherwise, she and Sasuke would have to spend the night under the stars -there was no way she going back to that place. But before she could say anything, the man -or was it woman?- said in a husky voice, "I woun't waste ma breath, honey. We don' serve yo' kind here."

"_Our kind_?" Sasuke frowned. "You mean shinobi?"

"_Ahh_! Yous those ninja folk. Nah, I meant, you an' princess bubblegum ova der? I don' think dis place is yer cupa' tea."

"Because?" Sakura inquired.

"'Cuz you two are as straight as da pole I dance on."

"Oh," Sakura turned to Sasuke, finally understanding what was going on. "This is one of those places Sai was telling us about when we got here. The ones exclusive to taking in girl-on-girl or guy-on-guy clientele only?"

"What do you think are the chances we can convince Sai and Naruto to switch inns with us?"

"Please," Sakura ignored her partners rude gibe. "My friend and I have been awake for hours. All we ask is for a nights rest. Could it somehow be arranged?"

"Well..." The wo/man rubbed at her/his chin in thought. "Since yo' two are kinda cute, I s'pose I can make an 'xception dis once."

Sakura could have cried tears of joy. "Thank you, thank you! You have no idea how happy you've made us." Without a second thought, Sakura snatched the key to their room and bolted up the stairs, leaving Sasuke to stare after her. After he felt eyes stare at him longer than they should he, too, quickly made his way up to their room.

Sakura was already dropping her things on the floor and taking off her shoes when he entered. Not bothering to remove her clothes she plopped right onto the big bed. "Finally I can get some sleep." When she didn't feel the weight of a second person alongside her, she peeked open one eye to find her partner standing near opposite the end of the bed. "Sasuke-kun? What's wrong?"

"There's only one bed," he muttered.

"Yeah, so?" Sasuke glared at her. "You don't want to sleep with me?"

"Yes...no. I mean," he gulped. "Do _you?_" That wasn't what he had originally meant to say. But the words were already out and oh, would you look at that? Sakura was already sitting up and extending a hand for him to take. After a few seconds he did.

"I want to sleep with you, Sasuke-kun," she reassured sleepily. Sleep was fast invading her system. Too bad she couldn't say the same for Sasuke. The one time she was looking forward to his silence, and he decided to find his inner chatterbox.

"You do know that when I meant 'sleep', I actually meant-"

"Yes, I know what you meant but it's almost two in the morning and I haven't slept in over fourteen hours. I can barely keep my lips open to say all this, let alone wrap them around your co-"

"But you will? Wrap them around my co-"

"Please. Let me get some sleep. Just until the sun comes up and then..."

Her words trailed off. Sasuke turned to see her fast asleep. Not that it mattered. In just four hours the sun would be up and he would have her all to himself. So it was probably best he take her lead and get some sleep. He would need his rest to keep her screaming all morning.

He only hoped Naruto's bowel movements lasted that long.


	2. Innuendo

**Summary:** Don't jump to conclusions now

_R&R_

* * *

**doctors do it -**

**with lots**** of patience**

* * *

The bar they were sharing a drink was dimly lit, lightly inhabitant and smelled like stale beer. The ever-present cigarette smoke swirled around them both like a new coat, even though they sat in the No Smoke Zone.

"I'm glad you want to do this, I know it's such a risk..."

Sakura cut her date off. "Of course it's a risk. But how can we get to where we wan't to go if we don't take a chance and throw caution into the wind?"

"It's just hard when you know what the risks are and that you may get hurt in the process and all..."

"I know that all too well." She sighed and took a sip of her rum. It gave her the chance to eye her date.

It may have been set up by her friend Tenten as a blind date but so far Sakura seemed to think it was heading in the right direction.

Sasuke Uchiha was a handsome twenty-seven year old, with raven locks that took on a dark navy blue hue to it whenever the light hit it at the right angle. His eyes were the deepest onyx black she had ever seen, but that only added to his charm. Coupled with the fascinating conversation they were sharing, she didn't think this guy could be for real.

"Do you?" Sasuke questioned her with what look liked mild worry in his eyes. "Do you really, Sakura?" With a boldness even he himself didn't know he had, Sasuke reached across the table to grab her hand. It was smaller than his own, and much softer. To think, this woman with her warm and feminine hands would be touching his... He had to stop his thoughts from going any further. They were enough to bring him to his knees if he wasn't sitting down.

"I do," she smiled a genuine smile, giving him a squeeze in return. "Believe it or not, Sasuke, I can handle anything you throw at me. No matter how small, or in our case, _big_, the situation may be."

With renewed confidence, he smirked. "Then I must say, I have a good feeling about all this. I mean, with how far I've made it with my _gear_ and all. I'm feeling pretty confident."

She smiled but tried not to choke on her drink at what he'd said. Sakura was already feeling giddy with excitement at the prospect of getting to witness said gear, she was going mad with anticipation. "_Cocky_, eh, Sasuke?"

"With a skilled woman such as yourself by my side, how can I not be. Well... Some things just have to be seen to be deemed worthy. _If_ you catch my drift, Sakura," he winked.

Sakura's pulse grew quick. Her friend who'd set up the date said this guy liked to move fast. Now Sakura knew what Tenten had meant.

He went on. "Why don't we go back to my place so you can see it firsthand?"

"Let me just go bid Tenten a goodnight and we can be on our way," Sakura agreed. "Meet you outside?"

Once he'd gone, Sakura sat back in her seat and took a deep breath. Tenten, who manned the bar for the night, came to see how the date had gone. "He left with a smile. That's a good sign."

"It's not over yet. We're going over to his place."

"So soon? To be honest, I'd have thought you'd slow things down with him."

"How can I slow things down with him when he just offered to show me his _gear_!"

"..._What?!_ Oh my god!"

"Now do you see why I can't turn him down?" Sakura beamed.

"Jeez, girl! I just don't get you. How could you be into that sort of thing? You're a nice, decent, _innocent_ girl. Don't let a man string you along just because of his junk. Besides, I'd never known you to be into that sort of thing..."

"But it's not _junk_. It's his _gear_. And, come on Tenten, you know me better than anyone else. You know I've wanted this since I was a child!"

Now Tenten looked jarred.

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine!"

Tenten gave her friend a suspicious look, but noticed her friend's happiness. In the end, Sakura was an adult and it it was her choice whether she really did want to mess around with a man's "gear." She sighed. "Well...looks like you know what you're doing..."

"Of course I do." And with a quick goodnight, exited out into the street.

* * *

"Here we are."

Sakura took a quick look around. It wasn't much. It was a small apartment and barely furnished. Although he had been telling her that he was new in town. "Looks nice..."

"More interested in my gear, huh?" Sasuke smirked knowingly.

"I'm sorry, am I that obvious?"

He answered by leading her further into the house.

"You're bedroom?"

He nodded. "I... Are you sure, Sakura? Last chance to back out." He sounded nervous again.

She rolled her eyes. "You've been bragging about your gear all night long, and quite confidently, might I add. Let's see it already!"

"Alright." And with a mighty intake of air, Sasuke let her have it. His eyes were screwed shut in case her look was one of utter disappointment. Though he needn't have bothered. Her voice when she said, "Oh my!" was enough of an indicator that she seemed to like what she saw.

"Sasuke, it's... It's beautiful." She paused to rub at the corner of her eye. "Is it lame if I start crying over something so...marvelous?"

He chuckled as her words filled him with pride. "Well?"

"Well what?" Her eyes were wide at she stared up at him.

"Are you just going to stare at it all day or touch it?"

"I... I don't know Sasuke. Weren't you telling me that no one has ever handled your gear before except you?"

"I am a bit picky when it come to people touching it," he agreed. "However, you look like the kind of girl whom I can trust. And the only one who has ever jumped at the chance."

Sakura gasped at his reply. "Surely I can't be the _only_ one?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Who would anyone ever pass up a chance like this!"

"You'd be surprised. So... are you ready?"

Was she? Ws she ready for such a delicate and wondrous tool? "I... I think so."

"You don't have to immediately hold it if you don't want to. You could look on for a while, until you're more confident. I know!" he suddenly exclaimed. "Why don't you watch me? Then you'll know what to do when it's your turn."

Sakura nodded as she watched Sasuke take the instrument in his hands. She almost whimpered at the sight. God, he was so _lucky_.

"Are you paying close attention, Sakura?" Sasuke's voice said in a low husky tone. She squeaked an affirmative. "How about it?"

"Okay."

It was hard, warm and long. Longer than what she had previously thought. And felt _oh so right._

"Nice, huh?" Sasuke grinned.

"Yeah. But how are you feeling, Sasuke? I'm the only other person besides you who have handled it. Are you...feeling okay?"

"Sakura, I am fantastic."

That was good, she thought in delight.

"Tenten will never believe me that I got to hold it," she sighed in dismay.

"Why's that?"

"If you were her and I told you that I had my hands around the X-cell PCF- 500 Endoscope, would _you_ believe me?"

"I suppose not," he mused. "Not every doctor can afford one, as they are expensive pieces of equipment."

"How much did this one cost you? An arm and a leg, I'm sure!"

"Close. It was actually three thousand six-hundred ninety-five dollars."

"No way! There's definitely no way she would ever believe me now."

Sakura was still admiring the scope when Sasuke said, " You know, it just occurred to me... Our whole conversation could have been taken as a sexual innuendo."

"I realized that, too. But you want to know what isn't?" Sakura gently put down the expensive medical equipment back into its case and grinned when she met Sasuke's eyes. "Let's play doctor."

* * *

_That scope does exist and it does cost that much! My father-in-law has one and it's fan_cy.


	3. Missing

**Summary:** Of missing babies, idiot blondes, sabotaging Hokages, and deadly training.

_R&R_

* * *

**part, The first**

* * *

Things in Konoha had seemingly gone back to normal. What with Sasuke's betrayal, Sasuke's return, Sasuke's punishment… Yes, things were falling back into place.

Or at least, they sort of were.

"What do you mean Sakura lost her babies!" Ino's voice screeched over the small bar were they were sharing a few drinks. "How could she just lose them!?"

"It's true," confirmed Sasuke, to Ino's horror. "She just called me from her office. She's on her way here now."

"B-but-but-but. This can't be true! I just saw all three of them yesterday at the park enjoying her day off!"

Sasuke merely shook his head as if to say, _well, there you go_, but stayed quiet nonetheless.

The scene was not out of place for the clients who were enjoying their drinks at Tsuchi's Bar (_where the stories always outsize the hangovers)_. After all, weirder things had happened. Like the time Rock Lee had his hand stuck down Choiji's shirt when he had had too much to drink (don't ask). Or the time Ino had her hand down her own shirt when she was sober (again don't ask).

So loud blondes really weren't that off-putting. Naruto's outlandish question was, however, unexpected.

"Sakura was pregnant!?"

The tiny bar suddenly went silent. The kind of silence you can only achieve at an uncomfortable family reunion. And in a way, it was. Having known each other since their Academy years, the ties went far back longer than just comrades in arms.

Naruto had just recently returned to Konoha from a month long mission from the Village Hidden in the Snow to take down a dangerous drug lord from spreading his...evilness elsewhere. Or something like it. One month really was a long time for someone as dimwitted as Naruto to bother with remembering minor details in missions.

Or that one month was not enough time to conceive and birth a child. But matters such as these were well above the blonds' intelligence.

So Sasuke, being the kind friend that he was, helped Naruto with his stupidity by raising a balled up fist and bringing it down on the idiot's head. Hard.

"You," Sasuke said calmly, "are a dumbass."

Ino bobbed her head in agreement as she continued sipping her daiquiri.

"But Ino just said-" Naruto tried explaining his off tangent question when he was suddenly cut off.

"That I lost my babies, not that I was pregnant, you brainless dope," a fourth voice commented from the doorway.

Sasuke, Ino and Naruto equally jumped at the sound of Sakura's voice that sounded like it could break glass. That sound meant she had been crying, and Sasuke would be lying if he said he didn't want to be anywhere else but there at that exact moment.

"I've really done it this time!" exclaimed a clearly flustered Sakura as she raced into the arms of her boyfriend. "Now I'll never see either one of my babies ever again!"

Burying her head into Sasuke's neck, she began to sob uncontrollably as Sasuke, never the best person for situations such as these, tried to comfort his nearing-a-month girlfriend with lame '_It'll be all right_'s and soft pats on the back. Sakura, for her part, wailed even louder.

Over her wails of grief, Naruto could be heard saying, "So, you _were_ pregnant? I mean, of course you were! You couldn't have lost your babies without being pregnant first. Even I know that. Oh, but wait. I guess you could have _adopted_. In which case, you wouldn't have ever been pregnant at all. But teme definitely wants little Uchiha's of his own so I guess the only way you lost your babies _would_ have been with you being pregnant in the first place! What?" Naruto suddenly asked as his friends looked over at him in disbelief. "Do I got something on my face?"

Sakura shook her head. "Only the moronic look that _is_ your face," she sighed as she loosened her grip around Sasuke's neck. "What will I do now?"

"We have to go out and find them, of course! Your kids are out there in that cold and frightening world wondering where their mama is and wondering when she'll be returning and-"

Before Naruto could go any further in his moronic speech, Sakura pushed him backwards and knocked him to the floor. In return, she took his seat next to Sasuke.

"For the last time, Naruto, it's not what you think. When I say _babies_, what I actually mean are my teacup poodle Chunks and the Louis Vuitton bag I use as a carrying case. Not actually human babies, you blockhead," Sakura pouted as she ordered a shot.

"Chunks is a smart dog, Sakura, and mostly everyone in Konoha is super friendly and nice. I would bet my entire shoe collection one of them would surely report to you right away that he's been spotted or deliver him to you! You just gotta have faith!"

Ino's momentary pep talk, even though Sakura could tell her BFF was starting to get tipsy from the way she kept tittering on her barstool, gave Sakura enough confidence that, yes, she would see her precious babies again. One way or another.

"Thanks, Ino," Sakura sniffed, wiping her remaining tears on her sleeve, "That meant a lot."

Ino faced Sakura, her facial expression void of any emotion. Or intelligence. "What meant a lot?"

And like that, he rosette knew she should probably get her friend behind closed doors before the blonde did something she would regret. Like flashing everyone.

How a drunk could ruin a Kodak moment.

* * *

The hours passed and still no word had gotten to Sakura about her precious "babies." She was beginning to worry again.

"What if I never see him again?" wondered Sakura out loud as she paced the length of the Uchiha living room floor restlessly. "He's so small; Konoha must seem like a humongous obstacle compared to him."

The owner of the home had trained eyes on the woman in front of him, his head volleying back in forth with her movements as if watching a tennis match. "He'll be fine, Sakura."

But he may as well have told her he was planning on leaving her for a younger woman for all the attention she paid him. "I just don't know what I'll do without him!"

"I'll get you another dog."

"No!"

"A better, _loyal_ dog."

"No!"

"...And a bigger bag."

"N-! Well, I had been meaning to ask you… Wait, no! What the hell am I saying! Chunks means everything to me! He was a gift from you to me on our week-old anniversary and I'll be damned if I lose him just one month later! Come on!" Sasuke was suddenly pulled up from the couch he was sitting on. "We're gonna go out and find our babies. Even if it takes the whole night!"

"Ung," was what he had to say on the matter before he was whisked away.

* * *

Needless to say, shortly after Naruto parted ways with the others, things started going downhill from there.

There were rumors every which way you turned about Sakura's secret pregnancy to the broody Uchiha and how they had planned to keep it a secret until the child was of age to understand his right to the clan.

Another rumor said the Uchiha was just using his teammate as a vessel for his and twisted ways.

Another said they had both signed a contract in their own blood for their own personal reasons. His to revive his clan, and her… Well, they were saying it had something to do with sexual frustration.

Which ever it was, Naruto Uzumaki wasn't making it any better. For every person he came into contact with, he insisted to be on the lookout for two small children. Preferably a girl and a boy with dark hair and green eyes, and to contact Sasuke and Sakura immediately.

* * *

"Sakura! Sasuke! Are they it?" A random woman asked as she ushered two small children in front of the pair. The children were whimpering but the crazy lady either didn't hear them or decided to ignore them.

Sakura frowned. "No, now go away. And return those kids to their rightful mom!" she shouted after the crazy woman as she left their presence. Sakura turned to her boyfriend soon after. "That's odd. That's the third time someone has come up to me asking me that today. Whad'ya suppose has gotten into some people?"

Sasuke, still fuming he had to spend his time looking for a mutt and handbag simply replied with a pointless "Hn."

* * *

Things had gotten so out of hand by the time Ino, Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto decided to meet up at Ichirauku's later that evening because one, Tsuchi's no longer wanted anything to do with the fearsome foursome and two, Ino needed to be sober to tell her part of the story.

"So, like I said, Sakura, no one seems to know anything… I'm sorry."

At the sound of Ino's defeat, Sakura broke into a fresh fit of tears as Sasuke was there to...comfort her. Sort of.

Not being able to take much more of this, Naruto shook his head fiercely as he bellowed, "Well I ain't giving up! There are missing Uchiha babies out there that need saving!" And with that heroic (_lame_) speech, he sauntered off the stool -after finishing his ramen, of course- and running out of the establishment.

* * *

Sakura decided she couldn't take being hounded by another elderly woman coming by the house to ask if "these kids were yours?" anymore so she fled to the one place no one would bother looking for her: the strip club.

Meanwhile, back at the compound, Sasuke Uchiha was trying to figure out a way to solve this entire mess so he could have his life back to the way it was.

After much deliberation and speculation, he decided he may as well call in the one person that had a greater chance in finding the dumb mutt than anyone else: Kiba Inuzuka.

Why hadn't any of them thought of this before?

"Dude! How can I help? You know I'm all in if it's to help get your kids back," was the first thing Kiba said as a way of greeting when Sasuke let him into the Uchiha manor.

"They're not my kids," Sasuke said through clenched jaws. This was probably how Rumor Numbers Eight and Nine sprung up in town. Whenever someone came up to the Uchiha, he told him that it wasn't his kids they were trying to find. They then had started new rumors claiming Sakura had cheated on him, or how he was in denial that he was the actual father because he didn't want to pay for child support.

Damn annoying.

Must have heard the latest of it, Kiba eyed the tense man carefully. "So it's true? Sakura's been going around sleeping with other men?" He shook his head. "Just when you thought you knew people..."

Sasuke was now as tense as a rod with the stress slowly building. He was trying to tell himself to stay calm and not kill the Inuzuka. Like Naruto, it wasn't dog breath's fault his stupidity ran deeper than his supposed womanizing ways. Sasuke needed this imbecile alive long enough to find Chunks and put an end to this nightmare.

Watching as Sasuke rummaged through the closet near the entrance hall trying to find whatever he needed, Kiba asked, "So how long have you and Sakura been dating now? Ten months? A year?"

Not really wanting to answer, but also not wanting to risk Kiba getting bored and wandering further into his home, Sasuke stated, "Not that it's any of your business… A month."

"That all?"

"That's _it_."

Not entirely interested how Sakura could possibly manage to give birth to supposed two-year-old twins in just one month, Kiba instead said, "You Uchiha's work fast."

This time Sasuke didn't bother responding. His neck was burning hot all the way to the tips of his ears. Did the closet seemed to be closing in around him, or was that just him?

"But seriously, Sasuke," Kiba went on, "I thought you two had been dating for much longer than that."

Dating. As if he could call it _that_. It's not even technically called _dating_ when they decide to go out and have one of them always get called away on a mission or go to perform major lifesaving surgery at the hospital. Between missions and hospital duty, it hadn't left them enough time to enjoy each other's company at the dinner table much less be left alone to do..._that_.

Damn annoying.

Sakura had once told Sasuke she suspected Tsunade was doing it on purpose because she didn't like or approve of Sasuke courting her apprentice.

Damn annoying _indeed_.

Kiba, apparently tired of standing around while helpless babies awaited rescuing pressed on. "What are you looking for in there anyway?"

"Found it," came a muffled reply from somewhere inside the small space. It had taken a lot of sifting through, but Sasuke finally managed to find what he was after.

Holding it up for the Inuzuka to see, he asked, somewhat confused, "You and Sakura are into some weird, kinky shit, aren't you?" In Sasuke's hands was a diamond studded leash complete with a collar attached at the end.

"No, you dipshit, this is the dog's leash," Sasuke explained, though he had turned a funny red color again.

There was a pause in where Sasuke wondered if Kiba finally knew what was going on and that Sakura pregnant and babies were just a _big_ misunderstanding!

A couple seconds later: "You have a _dog_?"

* * *

Kiba's nose had led them into three dead-end alleys, behind a dumpster (where they retrieved the bag), to five fire hydrants, two Motel parking lots, a random tree in the middle of town, and finally to the middle of nowhere deep in the woods Sasuke finally recognized as the Third Training Ground.

This was the last place he expected to be in after so many failed leads that Sasuke suddenly become enraged and punched Kiba on the shoulder. "You led us to the wrong freakin' site, fool."

"No, the scent ends here, I swear!" Kiba reasoned before being punched yet again.

Suddenly, off in the distance, a loud boom was heard.

"You hear that?" Sasuke stopped in mid attack to confirm with dogboy the silence wasn't playing with his hearing.

"Yeah," Kiba agreed, dusting himself as he picked himself off the ground where Sasuke's latest punch had landed him. "Sounds like…a flock of birds?"

Moving swiftly through the night, ninja-style, the two made their way deeper into the center where a white light illuminated the rapidly growing dark sky. Nearing the clearing, a figure could be seen standing, holding out his hand, an intense light attached to the end.

"CHIDORI!"

There was darkness.

Then, "What are you two doing here late at this hour?"

"Kakashi," Sasuke stated, moving closer once knowing there was no threat.

Kakashi nodded in greeting. "Sasuke, Kiba. Out for a late night stroll, are we?" He pointed to the bag hanging off Kiba's shoulder.

Sasuke stepped away from the Inuzuka so as if not to give Kakashi the wrong idea and explained, "We're here for Chunks."

"Who?"

"Sakura's dog," supplied Kiba.

"Dog? Do you mean my latest addition, Ras?"

"Who's Ras?" Sasuke and Kiba both asked in unison.

"He's the stray I found on my way here to train. I thought I could teach him a few things like I did my other ninja hounds but this one seems to be…limited."

"Where is he?" But before Kakashi could say anything, Sasuke called out, "Chunks, here!" A small blur rushed up to the three men, and even in the night, Chunks' white fur confirmed who he was.

"He's shaking something fierce," noted Kiba as he bent on his knee to take a closer look at the pup. Then looked up at the silver-haired jounin. "What _exactly_ did you try to teach him?"

Kakashi shrugged, offhandedly."How to dodge incoming Chidori shots at close range."

* * *

"And that's how you found him?" Sakura asked again while checking over the poodle in her arms. His shivering had lessen some. They were only small tremors now.

Sasuke nodded an affirmative, not even bothering to reply vocally and disturb his sated state of bliss.

He had gotten Sakura's mutt back, and in return, she showered him with kisses.

Life was good.

"You've had quite the journey today, huh?" As if remembering all the suffering Kakashi and his "training" put him through, Chunks' shivering increased. "Sasuke, do you think Kakashi's exercise scarred him for life?"

"He'll be _fine_. Nothing a long nap won't cure." But she still wasn't convinced. "By tomorrow morning, Chunks will be back to his old self."

As if on cue, Chunks jumped out of Sakura's grasp and took a dump in the center of the living room rug.

Animals. So charming of them to poop and forget.

* * *

___I've just drowned half a bottle of Pinot Noir and it's only ten in the morning, which somehow _inspired me to write about the time I almost lost my dog. Except, unlike Chunks, I found mine under my bed. 

_I dedicate this to my tiny pooch, Hamburger._


End file.
